All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
