New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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