So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
