dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
