you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
