Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I supernannyed him into submission
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
