garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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