I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
