conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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