haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
