Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
