All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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