Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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