There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
