dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
