chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
