i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm like, not good at living.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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