He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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