He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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