is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Fuck appropriateness.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
