he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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