i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
