So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
