You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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