Can i not drive my cunt home
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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