I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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