Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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