I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
