I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
