Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
