Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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