If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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