Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
