I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
