You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
