Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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