We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
