Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
