Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
