i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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