Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
