if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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