I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
