I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
