mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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