i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
