Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
