My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
