careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
