I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's like God shit irony all over that family
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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