how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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