my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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