Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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