Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
