obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
