i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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