I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
